Sunday, April 5, 2009
felt super bored and suddenly inspired!
here goes:
"i am a dementia patient.
i lie in bed, everyday, to be rolled over in bed by this stranger i do not know.
i can't really see too far ahead of me, but i guess, it doesn't matter, for all that i can see is the peeling paint on the white ceiling.
i can sometimes hear my parents, my ancestors, calling out to be from the door not too far away, telling me to visit them.
i hear my caretaker coming over now.
i do not know who she is, but all i know is that she comforts me all the time.
i guess, i've forgotten too much. whatever that has shaped me till now, the memories whisked away into the ebb of time.
i want to ask for water but my raspy throat can't make a sound. all i can do is cough to call for attention.
i want to speak my mind about my good ol' friends, those friends who would play chess with me.
i want to tell the world that i am still alive, with this burning passion in me.
but when i want to, i can't.
i fail.
i get angry. unhappy. trapped in a world of my own, in this world of mine.
perhaps, it was because of my past. whatever i've done, i have not faced it; whatever i've done, i have not repent. i have not forgiven others for their wrongdoings.
and myself for my misdeeds.
one day, i'll fade into the sands of time. i might die today, tonight, the next day, the next evening. but when the journey of life comes to an end, i may, eventually, find out why i lived in the first place.
i am a dementia patient. my caretaker is my wife. and i fear death, i fear to forget, and i fear to be unable to speak my soul."
author: edmund! (sorry for such a weird post. but i was thinking of writing this down somewhere anyway)
o9s7d uh-ed @ 1:07 AM